It's just fucking water, you know

The Bayou Renaissanceman, an investigative blogger like Rico, has water prices from the Claridges hotel in London: "These drinks don't come from a wine list, they are part of a collection of the world's finest bottled mineral water, with the most expensive costing the equivalent of £50 a litre. Claridge's is launching a water list with thirty brands from as far afield as the icebergs of Newfoundland, the volcanoes of New Zealand, and the Nilgiris Mountains in India."

Some examples:
Llanllyr – artesian water from Llanllyr, West Wales, £5 (75cl) [US $6.31 per pint: $50.48 per US gallon: $13.33 per liter] Llanllyr is a very soft water which comes from sources beneath certified organic fields in West Wales, sources were first used more than 800 years ago and have been in the same family's hands since 1720.
Speyside Glenlivet – spring water from Ballindalloch, Scotland, £5.50 (75cl) [US $6.94 per pint: $55.52 per US gallon: $14.66 per liter] Good water makes good whisky and from the home of whisky comes Speyside Glenlivet, alkaline spring water from Ballindalloch, Scotland.
San Pellegrino – spring water from San Pellegrino Terme, Italy, £5.25 (75cl) [US $6.62 per pint: $52.96 per US gallon: $14 per liter] This water's greatest asset is its very low nitrate level, indicating an unspoiled source and its high mineral content offers a significant source of sulfates and calcium. It has a pleasant light sparkle, which compliments light mediterranean cooking.
Fiji – artesian water from the Yaqara Valley, Fiji, £6.50 (1 litre) [US $6.15 per pint: $49.20 per US gallon: $13.00 per liter] The remoteness of the island ensures that this exquisite still artesian mineral water is uncontaminated by artificial substances. It has a low mineral content, is high in silica, and is slightly sweet with an overall smooth sensation on the palate.
Mahalo Deep Sea Water – deep sea water, Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, £20 (71cl) [US $26.66 per pint: $213.28 per US gallon: $56.34 per liter] From Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, this rare, deep-sea water was originally a freshwater iceberg which melted thousands of year ago and, being of different temperature and salinity to the sea water around it, sank to become a lake at the bottom of the ocean floor. The water has been collected through a 3000-foot pipeline off the shores of Hawaii.

Rico says he's quite sure all these waters are wonderful, if you care, which he doesn't; the filtered water out of his tap, if it's got enough ice in it, is fine by him... (And why, in the name of all that's holy, would you waste perfectly good Glenlivet water that could be going to make even more Glenlivet? Heathens.) And Rico's quite sure there's not more than one of you out there who can tell him how to pronounce Llanllyr, and it's only because he's been to Wales (during the year Prince Charles was invested, which shows you how long ago that was) that he knows... The worst was the Mahalo Deep Sea Water; the description seemed implausible, so Rico checked with his father (who is, after all, a professor of oceanography). His response? "Unless this is a joke, it is one of the worst scams I have ever seen. 1) Fresh water doesn't sink in sea water regardless of the temperature difference. Sea water at 77 deg F is denser than fresh water at 32 deg F 2) Suppose we suspend the law of gravity and produce a fresh water lake at the bottom of the ocean. Forget any temperature difference, the water at the bottom of the ocean is everywhere about 32 F. The osmotic pressure across the interface would rapidly salinate the fresh water. It wouldn't remain fresh for days, much less thousands of years. 3) The "ocean floor" off Hawaii is about a modest 10,000 feet in depth (it's on a sort of plateau.) If there were a lake of fresh water there, how do you reach it with a 3,000 pipe? 4) There is a 3,000 foot deep pipe (8,000 feet long) at the Natural Energy Lab at Keahole Point on the island of Hawaii. It has been faithfully sucking up cold sea water (nice and salty) for decades. If these guys are ripping off tourists with this scam, I say castration is the appropriate punishment." But then Rico figured he'd better go to the actual Mahalo Deep Sea Water site (http://www.hawaiideepseawater.com/index.html), and it doesn't say that at all; they do pump it up from 3000 feet, but then extract the salt and bottle it. Makes much more sense...