A holiday story

Rico's friend Dave, the arch-perv, forwards this holiday story:

Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a twenty-two year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County, Georgia courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around', he stated.  Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented, with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car, and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: 'A pumpkin? Shit... is it midnight already?' The court and the judge could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined a hundred dollars, and sent on his way. The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "the best come-back line ever".

Rico says it's not only the best comeback line, it's the best line while coming, ever...
(But the pumpkin became a golden carriage, as Disney explains: "The Pumpkin Coach is a beautiful coach made for Cinderella by her Fairy Godmother so she can attend the ball. At the stroke of midnight, it turned back into a pumpkin", so he didn't understand the story, either.)