Cruise control

Jacqueline Burt has an article about Tom Cruise:

Remember back in the day when those Dianetics commercials first started airing (with the volcano) and Scientology was all crazy mysterious (as opposed to just crazy)? Or maybe you don't remember those commercials, because you're not as ancient as me. That's okay, because chances are you can still remember a time when Scientology was the hot celeb cult religion lifestyle trend pyramid scheme whatever you want to call it, right?
Well, ever since Tom Cruise (photo) started acting a little, shall we say, odd, the church of Xenu has been slowly losing its prestige, with secrets leaking out all over the place in the form of tell-all books and celebrity escapes and snubbed potential spouses, and the latest nail in Scientology's coffin might be the most significant yet, especially because it was hammered in there by none other than L. Ron Hubbard's chosen one.
So, you know how we've all always, always known that Katie Holmes most likely divorced Tom Cruise to get Suri away from Scientology before she got old enough for that creepy, creepy, creepy version of twenty questions that asks people if they blew up planets and shit? But nobody ever confirmed it, exactly. Well, Cruise let the truth slip while giving a (long-ass) deposition as part of his defamation suit against In Touch magazine.
Apparently lawyers asked him if Holmes divorced Cruise to “in part, protect Suri from Scientology," and that's when the Top Gun star flipped, saying: “Listen, I find that question offensive. I find it, those statements offensive. Like with any relationship, there are many different levels to it. You know, I, I find it very offensive. There is no need to protect my daughter from my religion.”
And then the lawyers asked: “And Ms. Holmes has never indicated in any way that was one of the reasons she left you …to protect Suri from Scientology?”
And finally Cruise said: “Did she say that? That was one of the assertions, yes.”
Whoa!! Let's break that down: Did she say that? So right there, we know that Tom is pissed that Katie sang like a cult-traumatized canary. (Uh-oh.) And then we have: that was one of the assertions, yes. Which is code, obviously, for that was one of the blasphemous allegations made by my former wife who will suffer the wrath of Xenu forevermore.
Wow! I must say I'm surprised Cruise didn't deny that one with all the passion of a lovestruck couch jumper. I mean, shoot, Scientology's PR team is gonna have to start working overtime to reverse all the recent damage!! (Either their PR team or their hit men.)

Rico says that it won't be funny if Scientology turns out to have hit men...