Muslim suicide bombers in the UK are set to begin a three-day strike in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with al-Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began when al-Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase, in recent years, of the number of suicide bombings, and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members, and immediately called for a strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press: "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the northeast of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in (their) areas anyway".
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle; now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to Paradise.
09 September 2010
On strike, however unlikely
Rico says a family member with a twisted sense of humor (and thus aligning with Rico's) sends along this one:
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