29 July 2017

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Esquire has an article by Jack Holmes about The Mooch's rant:

Today, the Mooch truly became the Trump administration's communications director. He formally joined earlier in the week, but today Anthony Scaramucci (photo) really arrived: in a remarkable interview with The New Yorker's Ryan Lizza, the Mooch ranted about White House leakers, shivved a couple of colleagues, and dove into a level of vulgarity that, like so much about this administration, is surely unprecedented from a White House official in an on-the-record interview. Below is a collection of his very best one-liners, courtesy of the Goodfellas character who has begun Season Two of our national reality show in hot pursuit of the White House rat: 
"I'm not Steve Bannon, I'm not trying to suck my own cock."
"Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac. 'Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.'"
"They're trying to resist me, but it's not going to work. I've done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they're going to have to go fuck themselves."
"What I'm going to do is, I will eliminate everyone in the comms team and we'll start over... I asked these guys not to leak anything and they can't help themselves... You're an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country. So I'm asking you, as an American patriot, to give me a sense of who leaked it."
"Okay, I'm going to fire every one of them, and then you haven't protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks."
"They'll all be fired by me. I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I'll fire tomorrow. I'll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus, if you want to leak something, he'll be asked to resign very shortly."
"What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President's agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people."
"Okay, the Mooch showed up a week ago. [Yes, he is referring to himself as The Mooch.] This is going to get cleaned up very shortly, okay? Because I nailed these guys. I've got digital fingerprints on everything they've done through the FBI and the fucking Department of Justice."
"Yeah, let me go, though, because I've gotta start tweeting some shit to make this guy crazy." [He soon tweeted, then deleted, a felony accusation against Priebus.] What a time to be alive.
Rico says he's a perfect addition to the Trump team, as Stephen Colbert pointed out:

Season Two of our national reality show has begun, and the producers have introduced a new character to keep the people tuned in. Gliding into an administration full of outsized, often cartoonishly evil figures is The Mooch, the Goodfellas character set on finding The Leakers and providing late-night shows with lay-up content. In pursuit of the rat, you see, Scaramucci called up The New Yorker's Ryan Lizza to unleash an extraordinarily vulgar tirade about Reince Priebus, Steve Bannon, and autofellatio. Soon after, Stephen Colbert took the Late Show stage (above) and welcomed the Mooch (and his anti-rat rant) with open arms, accepting this "guy ordering a martini in the bowling alley" as yet another gift from the comedy gods.
The quotes out of that interview almost need no joke accompaniment, but Colbert obliged nonetheless. "If Bannon could do that," he said, referencing the indelible mental image painted by The Mooch, "he'd never leave the White House." Colbert homed in on the Mooch's disdain for backstabbing, insisting he's only interested in "stabbing you from the front". And the Late Show chief also had some fun with Scaramucci's unreal fixation on The Leakers: "His message is subtle here," Colbert grinned, "but the Mooch does not like the leaks."
While the Mooch has as little regard for the truth or the good of the country as anyone else in this kakistocratic administration, it's hard not to feel his version of Trumpian service is preferable to Sean Spicer's boorish denials or Steve Bannon's conniving white nationalism. Scaramucci is just a money-hungry Wall Street type with a sudden, intense, and slightly weird loyalty to the President. He expresses that through undeniably entertaining, quite-frankly hilarious verbal tornados that often scoop up other members of this shameful White House and send them spinning. Now that we've traveled deep into The Darkest Timeline, we may as well take our laughs where we can get them.
Rico says he had to look up kakistocratic...

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