Ah, yes, Amsterdam

Dave Barry did a multi-part column on his 'fact-finding mission' to the Netherlands: "As a thoughtful concession to pedestrians, the Dutch cyclists all have little bells on their handlebars that make a cute cha-ching sound, which serves as a friendly warning that you are about to die. As a tourist in Amsterdam, you quickly become conditioned to react to this sound. A fun prank would be to take a bicycle bell into a crowded Amsterdam cafe and ring it; all the tourists would immediately dive to the floor."
"You feel perfectly safe in Amsterdam (except for the bicycles). In fact, one popular tourist activity is to go to the famous red-light district and take ganders at the extremely friendly women who sit in little street-level rooms behind display windows. I was with a group of people (including, for the record, my wife) who decided to go see the red-light district. As we approached it, we were all looking around with great curiosity, trying to spot one of the friendly women; it was exactly like when you visit Yellowstone National Park and you know that there are bears somewhere because you keep seeing signs warning you about them, but you haven't actually seen a bear yet, so the tension keeps building up inside you. And so when we came around a corner and suddenly found ourselves right next to an occupied display window, I - demonstrating the cool urbanity that certainly enhances the reputation of American tourists - pointed and yelled, "There's one!" At the same instant, I walked into a metal traffic barrier, hitting it so hard that I thought I fractured my kneecap, although, of course, I did not seek treatment because I didn't want to have to explain to the medical personnel how I injured myself. But other than that one incident, I had a terrific time on my trip, which incidentally - Internal Revenue Service, please note - included a brief side trip to Paris. The Netherlands is lovely and hospitable, and Amsterdam is a lively and fun city, full of things to do. In fact, I'll confess that, while I was there, I took advantage of the permissive laws and did something that - call me a wild counterculture explorer - I just had to try. I am referring to French fries with mayonnaise. My advice is: Just say no.

Rico says he's been to Amsterdam, but avoided the red-light district; he's not into watching for-rent pussy in the display window... (But French fries with mayonnaise are actually pretty good, once you get used to them not being red.)