How to handle irritating seatmates:
If you are on an airplane, sitting next to someone who really bothers you, follow these instructions carefully:
1. Quietly and calmly open your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up your laptop.
4. Make sure the person who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes, tilt your head upwards to the sky, and move your lips as if you are praying.
6. Then hit this link.

When you deplane, plan on spending some time with several large humorless gentlemen from Homeland Security discussing, at great length and in embarrassing detail, your sense of humor...