Rico says, courtesy of his Dutch friend Rob, this cruise line 'ad':
We are excited to offer the ultimate cruise along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia! We board our luxury ship in Djibouti, and disembark in Mombasa, in Kenya, seven adrenaline-charged days later.
Starting at $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (veranda complete with bench rest), you'll relax like never before. That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night! But the best fun of all, of course, is Pirate Target Practice. The object of the cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast, waiting to get hijacked by pirates.
Weapon rental costs are:
Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25 per day, with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing.
On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9 per day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds.
Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 sniper rifle in .50 caliber; only $59 per day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.
Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30 per hour (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not.)
Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175 per day, with three fragmentation rounds included!
Also included: Free complimentary night-vision equipment and, throughout the night, coffee, pastries, and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am. Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar.
But that's not all! Twin mounted miniguns are available for rental at only $450.00 per thirty seconds of sustained fire!
We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates, or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombassa. How can we make that guarantee? We operate at five knots just twelve nautical miles off the coast of Somalia , thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships". We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast.
At night, the boat is fully lit, and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shoreside to attract maximum attention.
Testimonials from previous participants in the Somali Cruise:
"Six attacks in four days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my twelve-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family"— Fred D., Cincinnati
"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!"— Ben L., Bethesda
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in 'Nam. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim reminds me of a drunken juicer door-gunner we picked up from the motor pool in Phu Bai!"— Dan J., Denver
Come aboard and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates! Cabin space is limited, so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 31st and get a great bonus: 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice. So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!
Rico says it's just the thing for the bloodthirsty, or those with PTSD...
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