Those who've followed the series will recognize that title. This installment, alas, turns the Sean Connery saying on its head: we called Indiana a dog.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, while a rollicking summer movie, had every fucking cliche from every Indiana Jones movie (and there have only been three prior) ever made, all rolled into one: there's the evil and funny-accented bad guys (and gal, played by Cate Blanchett), golden treasure that the moron can't resist (unto death) pocketing, spaceships (yes, dammit, spaceships; like they couldn't resist having a little Close Encounters of the Indy Kind), a stupid kid sidekick with a stupid name (though he's not Chinese this time, at least), and overwrought primitive architecture (they must have gotten a deal on fake stone).
Karen Allen, bless her, hasn't aged well, though Harrison Ford's no spring chicken any more, either.
No Sean Connery, which is a bad thing.
Characters named 'Russian Suit Number One' and 'Russian Suit Number Two', also a bad sign.
The same stupid goes-on-forever warehouse filled with innumerable wood crates, one of which has (surprise, surprise) the Ark of the Covenant (which everyone ignores).
And his hat, of course. Which he, improbably, hangs onto through everything.
If you liked the first Indiana Jones, you'll hate this one. If you liked the second Indiana Jones, you'll love this one. If you liked the third Indiana Jones, you'll hate this one.
Rico says wait for it to come out on video, and then make someone else rent it...
(Though it did have the great and appropriate line about loss: "You've reached the age when life stops giving you things and starts taking them away." Since Rico's there himself, he understood...)
24 May 2008
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