Rico's friend Don Monkerud posts this spoof on his Garlic Press blog:
Trump effort to auction off Governor Chris Christie withdrawnThree days after The Borowitz Report reported that GOP Presidential candidate Donald Trump was offering Governor Christie for auction to pay for his campaign, Trump withdrew the offer.Rico says the problem with satire is it too easily gets overrun by reality...
"Three days on the market and no bidders," Trump told Faux News. "Everyone knows I only support winners, and Christie is clearly a loser, so I fired him last night!"
Advisors admitted they offered Christie to a number of wealthy countries and individuals, but could't find the right fit. Considering Christie to head up a new bridge and highway expansion in China, authorities claimed Christie involved himself too readily in the day-to-day work of underlings, which would bog him down.
Because he spent over $300,000 on booze and food during his five years as governor of New Jersey, Vladimir Putin of Russia rejected Christie due to Russia's current economic conditions. "We simply can't afford him," said Putin.
Roiled in its own back-to-the-past movement to return British glory to the time of Admiral Horatio Nelson, the Brits were too busy choosing a new design for official uniforms of the new British Empire to be interested.
Concerned about riots in the streets if they purchased Christie, leaders of the EU refused to even meet with Trump's auctioneers. "Considering that riots broke out across Europe when Trump won the GOP nomination, we aren't interested in more civil unrest," said J. Poke Progress, a secretary at Trump Towers. "This guy is a hard sell anywhere!"
Even African warlords refused to make an offer. Many of them fear Christie would use their armed guerrilla armies to take over all of Africa.
Immediately after withdrawing the offer, Trump left for a two-day vacation to take care of his golfing business. Observers say his advisors are drawing up a new plan to rebrand the Federal government to pay back his campaign debts after he's elected president.
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