Things you do NOT want to do with fireworks

Brad Tuttle has a Time/Money article about the dangers of fireworks:

The Fourth of July weekend is upon us, the absolute best time of year for Americans to celebrate independence by blowing stuff up with loud and mesmerizing fireworks. In many cases, such shenanigans, while definitely fun and perhaps even patriotic, are not exactly legal. That doesn’t stop thousands of people from firing off a few bottle rockets or even hosting mom-and-pop fireworks shows in their backyards after the sun goes down.
Revelers should be on warning, however. From Sioux Falls, South Dakota, to Orange County, California and from Long Island, New York to Honolulu, Hawai'i, and pretty much everywhere in between, police say they are stepping up enforcement in terms of reining in illegal fireworks. Still, more often than not, nothing bad happens beyond some oohs and aahs when most people set off fireworks, and police generally ignore their quasi-legal status, unless what’s taking place is especially dangerous and stupid.
If you’re wondering where the line is in between lighthearted tomfoolery and downright dumbassery, even criminality, well, here are ten things that you should never, ever do with fireworks on the Fourth of July weekend, or ever. Please do not: 

Bring them on an airplane The Transportation Security Administration sent a reminder recently alerting travelers that fireworks, even sparklers, are banned from flights. You can’t bring them aboard aircraft in your carry-on, nor are you allowed to stick them in checked luggage. They’ll be confiscated at the airport if you try to bring them a security checkpoint, your bag will have to go through security again after they’re removed, and you’ll annoy all of the travelers behind you who are coping with extremely long lines at airports nowadays. 

Put them in the mail Sorry, the Postal Service has a ban on the mailing of most fireworks and all explosives. Standard fireworks can not be shipped via UPS or FedEx either, though, in some cases companies deliver fireworks orders via common carrier truck.

Buy or sell them on Craigslist Last week, a Long Island man found out the hard way that it’s a bad idea to try to sell fireworks illegally, and it’s even dumber to publicly advertise that’s what you’re doing on Craigslist. The individual rented a U-Haul truck and purchased fireworks in Pennsylvania, with the intention of selling them for a profit on Long Island. But the police saw his ad on Craigslist and, after an undercover officer made a buy, the man was arrested and two thousand dollars worth of fireworks was confiscated. In another recent episode, two men in Nebraska were arrested and thrown in jail for selling illegal homemade fireworks. 

Set them on fire inside a Walmart Or inside any store, of course. A Walmart in Phoenix, Arizona had to be evacuated a couple weeks ago after a group lit off fireworks inside the store, not far away from where the propane, lighter fluid, and charcoal is stored. Police are looking for the three suspects captured on video who are believed responsible for the dangerous, super-dumb prank. 

Use them as a weapon Also in Phoenix, Arizona, apparently, a haven for pyros, a man was recently arrested for allegedly robbing a string of Circle K stores with the help of fireworks to threaten and distract store employees. 

Light them in an overgrown grassy field This is asking for trouble. Grassy areas are prone to being set ablaze when sparked by even mild-seeming fireworks. Fireworks can be especially dangerous when weather conditions are dry, because grasses and greenery are more likely to catch fire. In fact, parts of Michigan are banning fireworks for this weekend because the weather has been so dry and the risk of fire is elevated. 

Use them to freak out animals Dogs especially have highly sensitive hearing, so loud noises like those produced by fireworks can be terrifying. Animal shelters recommend that owners fight the urge to bring dogs to fireworks shows. Do not leave your dog in the car while the show is going on, either; the heat inside the vehicle might be suffocating. Some pet lovers even suggest sound-proofing your home or hitting the road if you live in an area where people set off lots of fireworks. 

Let young kids play with them An estimated forty percent of fireworks injuries are to kids under the age of fifteen. Every year, there are stories of children losing their hands or even dying in fireworks accidents. 

Stick them inside your body Or anyone else’s body, for that matter. And yes, this happens. One episode memorably recorded in The Atlantic told of a young man partying at a fraternity house who, while “under the influence of powerful inebriants, not least among them the clear ether of youth itself,” came up with what seemed like “an excellent idea: he would shove a bottle rocket up his ass and blast it into the sweet night air.” Naturally, he wound up in the hospital. 

Set them off when you’re stupid drunk
Maybe this should have been first on the list...

Rico says they only sell wimpy fireworks in Pennsylvania, so he won't be doing any of those things...