22 March 2013

Punxutawney Phil must die

Abby Ohlheiser  has a Slate article about winter:
An Ohio prosecutor official has issued an "indictment" (below) for Punxsutawney Phil (photo, above). Apparently, Butler County prosecutor Mike Gmoser is still feeling a chill, despite the Groundhog Day rodent's prediction of an early spring. The indictment (which is clearly tongue-in-cheek) reads (emphasis ours): 
On or about the second of February 2013, at Gobbler's Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early. Contrary to the Groundhog Day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future, which constitutes the offense of MISREPRESENTATION OF EARLY SPRING, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio. The people further find and specify that, due to the aggravating circumstances and misrepresentation to the people, that the death penalty be implemenied to the defendant, Punxsutawney Phil.
The original document is below. Phil's handlers quickly got in on the joke, insisting that the groundhog is innocent. "If you remember two weeks ago, on a Sunday, it was probably 60 or 65 degrees," handler John Griffiths said, according to CNN. "So, I mean, that basically counts as an early spring." As The Associated Press helpfully notes, the region is expecting another storm on Sunday that could deliver another four to eight inches of snow. Happy spring, everyone! 
Rico says he'll pass on the snow, thank you...


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