Not as good as a twelve-gauge, but it'll work

Rico says his friend Tex sends along this cheap home security system:
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy some used men's work boots, size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and the magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer.
Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.

"Cooter"