Offending Republicans

Rant Political has an article by David Rackoff about things that offend Republicans:
So I’m pretty liberal. But I am actually friends with lots of Republicans. Even my parents are Republicans (Hi Mom!). These are the things we liberals say that make them even angrier than they normally are:

Bush lied us into Iraq: They get madder about us saying this than we get about Bush doing it. It was not a misunderstanding. Three's Company was a misunderstanding. This was a President misleading the country into a war he already knew he wanted.

Santa is not white: A unicorn is not left-handed. It's a ridiculous thing to argue. Santa can be whatever you want him to be. Sorry, Megyn Kelly. You are sort of a news person. This is not news.

We need more regulations: Remember the Great Recession? Well, 78% of Americans think we actually need more rules for Wall Street. Not to mention laws protecting the environment. It seems like a pipeline has been bursting every week lately.

CNN isn't liberal: Yes, MSNBC is liberal. But CBS, CNN, and most other outlets are just reporting the news. If Rand Paul comes off like a weirdo, maybe that's on Rand Paul.

I get my news from The Daily Show: Okay, this one's legit. Even Jon Stewart calls it "the fake news". So liberals, we love (and will miss) Jon, but you should probably check out a few other sources to round out your political knowledge.

People are not using abortion as birth control: I've actually had this argument with conservatives. They think that women are having pre-planned abortions as some sort of feminist rite of passage, or simply because taking a pill every day is just inconvenient. That is not the case.

Ronald Reagan was imperfect: This really bothers Republicans. Iran Contra. huge deficits. Not mentioning AIDS for so long. So just maybe cool it on naming everything after him, okay?

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques is a fancy phrase meaning torture: Use whatever synonym you want, it doesn't matter what Roget's Thesaurus says, waterboarding equals torture. And it's un-American.

You voted for Sarah Palin: Tell yourself that you voted for John McCain, war hero, Senator, maverick. But remember the name printed right below his? Yes, you cast a vote for Sarah freakin' Palin. You did that. Seriously. I can't believe it either.

Racist Dixiecrats are now called Republicans: Yes, southern Democrats used to be the racist ones. Totally. That's on us. We're very sorry and embarrassed. But that powerful voting bloc didn't just disappear. They are now called southern Republicans.

The deficit is different than the debt, and it's down since Obama took office: The debt is the total amount, including from past administrations. The deficit is the the difference between what we take in, and what we spend. And it's way down. When President Obama said we've seen "our deficit cut by two-thirds", he was correct. And it makes Republicans nuts.

I don't care what Bill Clinton did with those ladies: Yes, it's a little icky. And not great. And I wouldn't fix him up with one of my single friends. But he did a damn good job as president. George W. Bush was, by all accounts, a devoted husband, but not so good with the governing. I prefer good president, bad husband.

Under God was not in the Pledge of Allegiance for a long time: The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892. It wasn't until the Communist scare in the 1950s that "under God" was added. In 1954. If you're keeping track, that's sixty-two years without, sixty years with.

Lower taxes do not generate more revenue: This one is hard to say with a straight face. Of course they don't. In fact, this theory is called the Laffer Curve, named after the economist who popularized it. And, while it is "Laffable", it is what George Bush (the good one) called "voodoo economics". It has been disproved time and time again.

Abraham Lincoln was not really a Republican: They get mad about this one because they know it's true. What we mean when we say Republican, and what they meant back then are totally different things. Lincoln's Republican party (Republican Classic, maybe?) believed in a strong Federal government, they created the income tax, and thought that the government should protect minorities from the tyrannies of the majority.

Actually, it's Dr. Maddow: Yeah, she has a PhD. In politics. From Oxford. She's a Rhodes Scholar. I think she knows what she's talking about.

They all use Executive Orders: Yes, President Obama's a dictator for issuing executive orders. It's un-Constitutional. Right. Guess what? They all issued them. In fact, George W. Bush issued almost a hundred more than Obama has. Literally, every single president has issued them. (Except for William Henry Harrison, who died 32 days after taking office.) So impeach 'em all, starting with George Washington.

Obamacare is not Socialism: I know you're being hyperbolic and all (aren't you?), but the Affordable Care Act is a market-based health care solution that was pretty much invented by the (super-conservative) Heritage Foundation, and implemented by comrade Mitt Romney. I'm all for socialized medicine (sort of like we have socialized police and fire departments), but Obamacare is not that.

You guys are terrible at governing: Maybe it's just a hunch I have. Oh, wait. It's empirical. Using data from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development quality-of-life study, Wall Street compiled a list of the ten states with the worst quality of life. Guess how many were totally controlled by Republicans? All of them. Sorry.

Rico says that offending Republicans is a national sport, or should be. (And Rand Paul is surely the definition of a weirdo...)