Naval traditions, old and new

Rico says his father, a graduate of the Naval Academy, sends this:

The US Navy, then and now:
Then: If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk.
Now: If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper, if you're lucky.
Then: Mail took weeks to come to the ship.
Now:  If the ship is near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phones work.
Then: If you left the ship, it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port.
Now:  The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies.
Then: You wore bell bottoms everywhere on the ship.
Now:  Bell Bottoms are gone and fourteen-year-old girls wear them everywhere.
Then: You wore a Dixie cup hat all day, with every uniform.
Now:  It's not required and you have a choice of different hats.
Then: Say Damn and people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.
Now:  Say Damn, you'd better be talking about a hydroelectric plant.
Then: The Ships Office yeoman had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports.
Now:  Everyone has a computer with Internet access, and they wonder why no work is getting done.
Then: We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
Now:  We put the gals in the cockpit.
Then: Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive.
Now:  She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked.
Then: If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the ship so you could sleep it off.
Now:  If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in Rehab and ruin your career.
Then: Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
Now:  Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll melt, and anything inside always tastes like plastic.
Then: Our top officers were mostly professional sailors first. They commanded respect.
Now:  Our top officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a wedgie.
Then: They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
Now:  They collect our pee and analyze it.
Then: If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you straightened up.
Now:  If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.
Then: Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
Now:  Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.
Then: You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.
Now:  You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.
Then: You ate in a Mess Hall or Galley; it was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
Now:  You eat in a Dining Facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one.
Then: If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center , played pool, smoked, and drank beer.
Now:  You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe.
Then: If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the Chief's or Officers' Club.
Now:  The beer will cost you three dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink.
Then: The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money.
Now:  You can get better merchandise and cheaper at Wal-Mart.
Then: If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some notes and a YN spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts.
Now:  The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a PowerPoint presentation.
Then: We called the enemy things like "Commie Bastards" and "Reds", because we didn't like them.
Now:  We call the enemy things like "Opposing Forces" and "Aggressors" or "Insurgents" so we won't offend them.
Then: We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken.
Now:  We declare victory when the enemy says he's sorry and won't do it again.
Then: A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
Now:  A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

Thank God I was in the 'Old Navy', and proud of it.