Pun-ishment

Rico says his father sends these:

1. The fattest knight at  King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his  size from too much pi.*
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical  Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a  weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A  grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The  police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the  hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a  head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center  said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The  soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an  airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at  him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says: 'Are you sure?' The first replies: 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of  the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

*Or pizza, given that it's the Round Table...

Rico says he apologizes for inflicting these on you, but that's what you get for reading this blog. (And you wonder where he gets it...)