You may be a Muslim if...

Rico says a family member sends along this:

One thing about blokes from Scotland is that their hearts and humor are always in the right place! Jimmy MacDonald, a city councillor from Glasgow, was asked, on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but only to thunderous applause from the audience: 'If hooking up one rag-head terrorist's testicles to a car battery gets the truth out of the lying little camel shagger to save just one Scottish soldier's life, then I have only three things to say: red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'

In addition, here are some definitions of what 'being a Muslim' might be:

1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, you may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a £3,000 machine gun and £5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes, you may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, you may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean, you may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles, bullet-proof and suicide, you may be a Muslim.
6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against, you may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, you may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, you may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, you may be a Muslim.
10. If you find this offensive or racist and don't forward it, you may be a Muslim.