Backhand from God

Rico says he and the ladyfriend stayed up late (no, late) to watch The Left Hand of God last night. Hey, it's on Turner Classic Movies, it's gotta be a classic, right? Well, it had all the right characteristics:

It was made in 1955, in black & white
It starred Humphrey Bogart, Gene Tierney, Agnes Moorehead, and E.G. Marshall

The taglines on imdb.com made it sound like a hell of a movie:

Bogart... in a new type of action role!
The strangest covenant between God and man ever made
One false step leads to bigger ones...
He profaned the cloth he wore! 
She fought against a forbidden relationship!
The most challenging story of faith ever told on the screen!

But there were a few clues, even from the TCM introduction, that made Rico suspicious: Lee J. Cobb as Mieh Yang, the Chinese warlord? What, are they kidding? (Hey, it was 1955 and, stupidly, they couldn't use Keye Luke, okay, he's dead now, but alive and in his prime in 1955, or James Hong in the role; Chinese actors didn't get starring roles in those benighted days. They did have Philip Ahn and Kam Tong, but made them play bit parts.)
Suffice it to say that it was classically awful… Not even Bogie could save it. Altogether, a waste of several hours when Rico could have been sleeping.
You've been warned…