Alternative history for the day

Two thousand and eight years ago (plus or minus a few, depending on whose calendar you believe), a Jewish boy was born in a stable in Bethlehem, in what is now the West Bank, to a young couple, a carpenter and his wife. He grew up with an over-developed sense of his own importance, formed a gang of a dozen notorious characters, roamed up and down the Roman colony of Galilee causing trouble, was betrayed and accused of crimes against the state, and was tried, condemned, and executed by the then-standard method of being nailed to a large wooden structure (alongside two common thieves). After death he was taken down and buried in a large cave by his followers, who dispersed to all parts of the then-known world. In the years since, his very name and all his deeds have been forgotten.

Oh, wrong story. Sorry.
Merry fucking Christmas to deluded religious believers everywhere...